If you’re an avid internet-er and you’re twizzling yourself in circles trying to find your ideal wedding photographer you’ve no doubt read quite a few helpful articles by photographers on choosing your ideal one. Well SNAP, me too…I’m not looking for a photographer btw so don’t start emailing me with magic offers please!

Anyway - what should you believe, what shouldn’t you? What’s written to make you like that particular photographer instead of someone else? What’s complete drivel you should 100% ignore?

Choose a wedding photographer familiar with your venue

Horsecrap - used by photographers who are only good enough to work locally or have begged (or backhanded) venues to be on their recommended supplier list…some photographers even have partners who work there. Whatever the reason it’s a load of bollocks.

World class photographers, I mean genuine ones not self-proclaimed ones, travel internationally - they might never shoot the same venue twice, let alone in the same country. There’s a huge gap between someone marking their own turf and someone more than capable of shooting a wedding anywhere.

Look for a wedding photographer who’s a member of a professional photographic society

Nonsense. These are clubs - a bit like what you’d imagine a nerdy photographer club to be, they probably smell of moth balls and marmite and old pipes. They are simply a business set up by someone who offers a bit of a place to get a few awards, some insurance (that can be got anywhere), some competitions and a whole load of circle jerking each other’s pictures (even if they’re terrible). It’s like the masons for people who can’t get into the masons, basically anyone can join if they pay a yearly fee of around £59.99. They’re no guarantee of capability or reliability whatsoever tied to belonging to any of these places - it simply means people couldn’t think of anything better to spend their money on.

Pick a qualified wedding photographer

There is NO SUCH THING as a qualified wedding photographer, there isn’t’ There aren’t any qualifications for it. If someone is using the ‘I’m qualified’ line anywhere on their website, laugh at them, they’re making it up.

Words wedding photographers say

Some photographers jabber on a LOT. They say all sorts of things, the long and short of it is don’t believe what you read, believe what you see ie the pictures. There’s an infamous wedding photographer who was quite the wordsmith, this person could sell you your own house if you believed what they said. Some beautifully written words, a few select pictures and they were the world’s best wedding photographer (apparently). Trouble is they were actually crap at photography, really crap. Funny what people say though hey. Only believe what you see, and don’t decide based on a few pictures, stalk the shit out of their work. I want people to become creepily obsessed with me, to be absolutely sure they love what they see before they decide anything.

They seem super nice, like SUPER nice!

A pet peeve of mine is photographers who fart fluffy bunnies and ride around on clouds pulled by fluffy kittens and unicorns - well that’s how they come across online, their copy reads like they’re super dorky adorable bouncy and cute humans that your nan would want to adopt - except I’ve seen some of these websites and I know some of these people, or at least seen them talk to other people in photographer groups (and about some of their couples) and they’re right arseholes like rude obnoxious pillocks who really shouldn’t be allowed near other people. I hate that shit, the double standards.

A best man at a wedding told me when he got married, they had this photographer who was like the love child of Mother Teresa and Ghandi when they met him at a wedding fair, a complete darling all the way up to the wedding - then he turned into wolverine on his period (the guy’s words not mine), nearly ruined their wedding.

Look - I don’t wrap stuff up in cotton wool to get your money, if I don’t think we’re going to be compatible I’ll tell you. The last thing I want is to turn up to your wedding day and you annoy me, and I annoy you, we’ll both have a rubbish day - and while this your day and it’s ALL about you. The last thing you want is a grumpy photographer hanging around you.

I offer cheap wedding photography because I think weddings are expensive enough

Absolute rubbish!! People are cheap because they aren’t skilled enough to be worth any more money. Look, you get what you pay for. There’s no easy way of saying this but the only reason you should be even considering a value special photographer is if:

a. you really honestly genuinely can’t afford to pay more (if you’re booking a year or more in advance then do your best to scrape together the money and get the absolute best you can afford. I’ve heard people say they absolutely can’t afford the extra, but they smoke 20 a day - that’s £200 a month, lung cancer is obviously more important to them than lasting memories - meh their choice). You know that uncle you never see, and you don’t actually like, the one that you’re paying £200 for so he can stuff his face - fuck him right off, what’s more important to you? Shitty pictures and a full uncle you don’t like, or much better pictures. Your pictures are the only thing that will last, get the best you can afford.

b. you genuinely don’t care about pictures. In which case there’s not a lot I can say.

I’ve won wedding photographer awards…I’m an award-winning wedding photographer you know!

Ok, sorry about this but awards are a farce in the wedding photography industry, they just are, the majority have absolutely nothing to do with the ability to take good pictures throughout a whole wedding day. 99.99% of wedding photographers are award winning, but it’s like those carefully crafted social media pictures people post when their house actually is a right mess and they’ve just happened to find a corner of it that isn’t, or pictures of their kids looking like angels when 5 minutes later you want to lock them under the stairs (guilty as charged…for clarity I’ve never locked my kids under the stairs). It’s all smoke and mirrors.

You can buy an award for £50, people do. DO NOT pick a wedding photographer because they are award winning, pick a wedding photographer because you’ve seen a load of their work, not just their ‘great stuff’, also the pictures they aren’t proud enough to flaunt to the general public (yes, ask to see full galleries, latest ones).

Wedding photography is my passion

If you met a photographer who said, “I fucking hate photography, I only do it to pay the bills” you wouldn’t be impressed or book them…no photographer is going to say “Photography isn’t my passion”, we all say it. Some of us were born with a camera in our hand apparently, Grandpa probably gave it to us and it sparked an interest……bollocks, except for a select few it’s all lies…if you want to find a photographer who’s super passionate about photography, send them a friend request on Facebook or something, you’ll soon see the people who really do have a passion for it and those who simply say they do.

Summary

Look, I’m not trying to be a dick here I’m really not, the reality is though that some people claim to be more than they are - and unless you do your research properly you’re going to be left bitterly dissapointd with your wedding pictures and unfortunately you really do only get one go at getting the best wedding photographer for you (unless you want to do your entire wedding again of course).

My honest advice is really take your time, ignore all the cleverly composed words and promises wedding photographers make, ignore the ‘cool’ insta reels, stories and vibe (we all have friends who lead completely different lives on socials than they do in reality - well guess what, wedding photographers are the same in some cases).

Make sure you look at as many pictures as you can from any wedding photographers you like the look of, ask to see more, like full galleries (not just wedding blog posts), ask to see recent weddings - because when all’s said and done, you’re looking for someone to photograph your wedding day, not a social media influencer or clever writer!

Good luck ;)