Some people will be like "Did you even go?"
Well, yes, yes I did. I had a moment of crisis a few weeks ago after redesigning my website post Christmas (I blame too many mince pies, or sprouts or something). It was re-written, re-designed, new everything....how exciting hey! Yes, yes it was for a short time - then I looked at it 3 weeks ago and it just annoyed me. I didn't know why, but it was sat there, on the internet, annoying me.
I reached out to some people for their view (thanks for the responses), but they were centered around the business or aesthetic side - and that wasn't my problem, nope it was something else.
Realisation came by accident, "It's not OK" by The Enemy UK popped onto my playlist, I used to love this band, more for their energy, attitude and...attitude...they were young, had something to say and were RAW and real. Unfortunately as with most things, as they became more mainstream so did their music, their voice became more of a please the masses rather than "this is us, take it or leave it" , albums got weaker and I stopped listening to them (that's just my opinion of course)
One of those double take moments happened, my brain bouncing between song, website, song, website, song - yeah - I'd lost my edge, even the pictures I was displaying were catering to the masses, the mainstream market, my writing was 'fluffy' and frankly crap, almost pleading with people to like me, muted, falling in line. The problem wasn't my website, it was me, I'd mistaken a Christmas lull in bookings for a lack of interest, and to be honest it had shaken me more than I admitted to myself- I’d completely lost who I was as a photographer, I’d become a sellout - inadvertently towing a line I thought would attract people to me, another face in the crowd, part of the wedding factory... indistinguishable from the next wedding photographer.
fuck....that....shit...
Anyway, I’m back now. Back to being me, to being an individual and true to myself. That fire briefly burnt down but it’s had a good dose of petrol and it’s roaring again.
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